Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
