Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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