Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
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You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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