I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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