Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
