I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
