Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
