im about as happy as oj after his trial
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
