I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
