Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
