Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
