my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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