M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
