I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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