why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
