i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
