It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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