Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
