dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
