Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
