How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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