he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
