Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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