Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
