just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
