I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
