I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
