mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
