She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
