sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
