I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
