I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize