I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
this boner is exhausting
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
