Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
