she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
