You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want to make out with him forever
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
