You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was confusing and full of hummus
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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