My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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