I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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