Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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