We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
