I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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