if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
