I wanna passion pit in your ass
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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