woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
