you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
