Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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