Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
