we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
