i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
