I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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