I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
