I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was confusing and full of hummus
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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