just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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