you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
