mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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