I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
