I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
