he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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