he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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