Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
