Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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